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portrait ft. paris​•​ye (prod. the9ardenstate)

from Life Is a Masterpiece. by KILLVONGARD

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lyrics

self portrait

how’d it happen?
tragic
long line of addicts?
no
baggage
passive aggression
made magic
in the form
of this is what you get sharp darts
art scum bag
how’s that work?
seems backwards.
but that’s standard.
he 98Jobs
you woz
that’s passion.
i don't think so.
cancelled.

how’d it happen?
habits?
yes, many
that’s average.
what else?
family?
messy!
how much?
plenty!
so is everybody else’s in some form or fashion
deplorable actions
valid
and not so
therapized language might fill in the plot holes
every day macguffin’in
suffering for the love of it.
it being art but
art’s not what it is
the "it’s not art"
it didn’t cause pain
in discount dark lord wardrobe change
& leave a trail of wreckage at your tendons
and expect the full attention & attendance of your friends
shortchanged
but I don’t even think I have friends
and any adversary’s only imagined
without one then I couldn’t be the protagonist
the thing is:
you had BE somebody in order to be a has-been

who in the fuck do you think you are?

who in the fuck do you think you are?

who in the fuck do you think you are?

okay
i was thinking bout the second verse while taking a piss
and thought if i include it i should change it to shit
'cause shit is more stark of an image to give
because this is the part where i’m supposed to get honest &
shit

okay i’ll try it again
i was thinking bout what it would be like to be dead
not like i wanna die
but who’d be crying and shit
who would post and r.i.p and who’d be silent and shit a
line out the door or
why wouldn’t x come and
y wouldn’t ignore
and i shoulda said something
i thought his friends would
or lying on the floor in a grief stricken fit
while buying out his discog

i used to wanna be tragic
& misunderstood
present as an addict
cause balance means normal
& normal means average
& average means wack & never wrote a classic
plastic
then it kinda happened
i clutched to my habits &
desperately masked it
time i’ll never have back
soaring and crashing
and honing the craft just wasn’t as important as purporting a passion
shit i was tyrna be abstract
droning in excess
just a way to get away from
having to explain those deplorable actions

i’m a people pleaser
I’m an evil genius
i can be deceitful
i can be your best friend
i can be cerebral
or a real piece of shit.
you know:
people

"temporary cast-members of a long running but little-seen production of a play called fleeting"

somethin like that.

credits

from Life Is a Masterpiece., released November 29, 2023

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crushr records Chicago, Illinois

indie rap label out of chicago specializing in agonizing boom-bap adjacent songs & occasionally dabbling with ambient muck

KILLVONGARD
Tomcantsleep
A Place Called Hell

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